I slipped into the "for my man" mindset last year. I run on a moral system of reciprocity, meaning I give 120% or what I'm given and expect the same back. I got him expensive gifts, excused sex which I didn't orgasm from with "intimacy," and even struggled with religion again (I'm an atheist) because I wanted to feel closer to him. I wanted to be a good girl.
He did not put in even half the effort in any of these pursuits, and I realized this when we met again after the holidays. A round of cheap gifts and orgasm-less sex and I said no more. Since then I've become much more selfish and focusing on my needs and what I want. No more 120%.
I've gotten more gifts, more of his attention in bed, and I've regained my footing on my beliefs. Time which used to be spent on my personal projects and were put aside for him is now back in its rightful place. I cannot control how he acts, but I can control how I do. And building that self-respect has done wonders for our relationship.
Remember ladies: This is your life. You are your first priority. All else is secondary.
"Beauty is often the first form of power that women are introduced to."
This so true and so heartbreaking. How can I change this for my daughter?
When I was young, I did have other sources of power to draw from. I was a great student and talented at art. Is that the solution then? Show young girls that they're good at things that have nothing to do with appearance?
I never focused my self worth in my looks. It's always been in my intelligence and creativity. I think I look good and that's all I care about. I don't exist for men to look at. Though I also didn't really realize the outer world found me attractive at all. Due to my very strong and loud personality I didn't behave in the submissive way so many "pretty women" behave in and so I wasn't treated exactly the same.
And while I don't believe there is any such thing as "pretty privilege" in relationships since men treat attractive women as badly and sometimes worse than unattractive women, I realized eventually that the way customer service people treated me in public stores and restaurants was different than how they treated less attractive people. it just never occurred to me.
But aside from that there is no real benefit to it and I don't see the purpose in defining one's value around something so fleeting and stupid.
I think that's the best bet. My parents always told me I was great at reading and writing, and encouraged me to improve in those disciplines. Sure enough, I am the strongest writer in most of the groups I'm in.
I slipped into the "for my man" mindset last year. I run on a moral system of reciprocity, meaning I give 120% or what I'm given and expect the same back. I got him expensive gifts, excused sex which I didn't orgasm from with "intimacy," and even struggled with religion again (I'm an atheist) because I wanted to feel closer to him. I wanted to be a good girl.
He did not put in even half the effort in any of these pursuits, and I realized this when we met again after the holidays. A round of cheap gifts and orgasm-less sex and I said no more. Since then I've become much more selfish and focusing on my needs and what I want. No more 120%.
I've gotten more gifts, more of his attention in bed, and I've regained my footing on my beliefs. Time which used to be spent on my personal projects and were put aside for him is now back in its rightful place. I cannot control how he acts, but I can control how I do. And building that self-respect has done wonders for our relationship.
Remember ladies: This is your life. You are your first priority. All else is secondary.
"Beauty is often the first form of power that women are introduced to."
This so true and so heartbreaking. How can I change this for my daughter?
When I was young, I did have other sources of power to draw from. I was a great student and talented at art. Is that the solution then? Show young girls that they're good at things that have nothing to do with appearance?
I never focused my self worth in my looks. It's always been in my intelligence and creativity. I think I look good and that's all I care about. I don't exist for men to look at. Though I also didn't really realize the outer world found me attractive at all. Due to my very strong and loud personality I didn't behave in the submissive way so many "pretty women" behave in and so I wasn't treated exactly the same.
And while I don't believe there is any such thing as "pretty privilege" in relationships since men treat attractive women as badly and sometimes worse than unattractive women, I realized eventually that the way customer service people treated me in public stores and restaurants was different than how they treated less attractive people. it just never occurred to me.
But aside from that there is no real benefit to it and I don't see the purpose in defining one's value around something so fleeting and stupid.
I think that's the best bet. My parents always told me I was great at reading and writing, and encouraged me to improve in those disciplines. Sure enough, I am the strongest writer in most of the groups I'm in.