Some Women Should Not Have Careers

They have callings instead

As I watched the new documentary on the inconquerable Martha Stewart, it hit me how remarkable this woman’s life was. We know Martha Stewart as the domestic doyen with Eastern European perfectionism, and Jewish business acumen. However, she has lived enough lives to fill several biographies. Before she was on our TV screens to teach us, she was:

1. a model

2. A successful stockbroker.

3. An impeccable hostess of some of the best parties in the Hamptons.

4. The founder of a successful multi-million dollar catering company.

5. The face, and founder, of Living Magazine

6. A prolific cookbook author.

7. A mother

8. A brief stint as an inmate.

What makes Martha's journey so captivating is how she used her skills, wit, gravitas, razor-sharp business acumen, uncompromising perfectionism, and sheer force of will to get to the next stage of her journey. Probably while she was in the middle of experiencing all this, she could never have imagined the multipart epic that the creator had in store for her. However, we have the privilege of getting a distilled version of her story and seeing how all the dots are uniquely aligned for the rise of such a remarkable figure.

She needed to be born into a poor family. She had to be her father’s favorite, learning to garden so they could eat. That poverty? It’s what led her to follow up with a modeling scout—she had no choice but to work. The money she made modeling helped her family. She attended Barnard College where she was seated beside her future sister-in-law. Her future ex-husband had an uncle who worked in Wall Street. After having a child, she wanted to try something different and decided to become a stockbroker. After being burned out, she moved to the Hamptons. She begins to host elaborate parties for her husband, and his colleagues. These parties turned into a catering business, then cookbooks, then television, then an empire. It was like she was being chiseled by some unseen sculptor, each chapter carving her into exactly who she was supposed to become. Martha didn’t have a career; she had a calling.

To understand the distinction between a career and a calling, consider the hierarchy of human connection: relationships, marriage, and love. Relationships (and their modern cousin, situationships) are plentiful and often mediocre, passing through our lives like seasons. Marriage represents a deeper commitment, though many still fall short of their promise. But then there's love. It is the cosmic alignment of events that were orchestrated by the divine to make two people meet each other. Love is a divine, unstoppable pull. It finds you, and it demands something from you. That’s a calling. You can’t force it, can’t calibrate it. It’s in you. And Martha’s passion for perfection, for homemaking, for creating, was preordained.

Society loves a myth about successful women: if you climb high enough, you’ll be punished. "You can’t have it all," people say. "Relationships are the price of success." But this logic is retarded. First, let's acknowledge that plenty of poor, struggling women also endure terrible relationships - romantic failure is perhaps the most democratic of human experiences.

Second of all, there are some careers worth making immense personal sacrifices, and Martha’s is one of them. The documentary reveals her lingering distaste for her divorce - not primarily because of her husband's infidelity with the help, but because to Martha Stewart, divorce represents an unacceptable imperfection in her otherwise masterfully curated life. When successful women contemplate how their achievements might have impacted their personal lives, they often imagine some alternate reality where their marriages would have been blissful. But look at Gisele - you can sacrifice everything for a relationship and still watch it crumble.

If you are a woman, and you feel the call from the divine to pursue your telos, do so. This is your responsibility. Your divine mandate. Do not rob the world of your gift, especially for a man who was actively sleeping with the help. You’re a once-in-existence being, and the divine has carefully, meticulously, given you a unique set of talents. You’re here to multiply and share them with the world. Some of you aren’t here to have careers—you’re here to fulfill a calling.

Best,

Coffy.

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