3 Laws of Feminine Power

My dad has cancer, that is why I have been away.

As you saw from the description, my father has cancer. The worst thing that could ever happen has happened, and here I am.

Today is one of those days, so I decided to write. If you would like to donate, feel free to.

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What is Feminine power?

Before I can even answer that question, we have to first define what feminine power is not. Feminine power does not equate to surrender, as all the online grifters would say. It is not synonymous with self-sacrifice or self-denial, particularly when it involves subjugating one's aspirations for the sake of spouses and children.

So, what is feminine power? If I were to encapsulate feminine power in a single word, it would be "creation."

We create life, we sustain culture.

Consider the mother who artfully manages to feed her family on a shoestring budget. That is feminine ingenuity. Think of the college student who transforms homemade pies into a thriving small business within her dormitory – this exemplifies feminine resourcefulness. Feminine power resides in the capacity to take nothing and, through vision and determination, transform it into something remarkable. Feminine power is the ability to take nothing and transform it into something great. It is the art of seeing potential where others might not. It is also about passionately championing causes close to the heart, whether those pertain to civil rights or involvement in a school’s PTA.

So listen up, this is how some women surrender their personal power!

1. Ignoring Power Dynamics Completely

My friend said something that left a lasting impression on me:

We do not know if men know love, but we do know that they know power.

That quote really stuck with me.

Men often possess a profound understanding of power dynamics, and use this in their dealing with women. Men often extol the role of a stay-at-home mother as one of the most important jobs on the planet, yet they unequivocally refuse to put themselves in that position. This discrepancy highlights a power imbalance in the perception of roles within the household. Women are expected to surrender their career ambitions and financial independence for the sake of nurturing a family, while men largely avoid this sacrifice.

Moreover, men sometimes wield their understanding of power to exploit vulnerable women, particularly widows and those who lack financial independence. While they may offer respect to women who assert their independence, they may also become abusive or controlling when their wives start earning more than them. This reaction underscores a discomfort with a shift in power dynamics within the relationship.

The central issue here is that women often relinquish their power in pursuit of love. They willingly forgo their source of income and sustenance with the expectation that a man, without hesitation or remorse, will fulfill the promise of providing for them throughout their lives.

This surrender of power becomes especially evident when women exchange tangible and readily quantifiable assets for more nebulous promises of love and security.

The problem is that it is so unromantic to navigate your personal life through the lens of power. You want to find the love of your life. Your person. The person who will be with you when you are vomiting and shitting yourself after a burrito that you knew better than to eat. The person who sees the dreadful and unguarded versions of us, and chooses daily to remain dedicated to us. However, men speak the language of power and we need to become more fluent in it.

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2. Ignoring the numbers and incentives

I don’t give any dating advice because you cannot outdate a bad dating pool.

As a black woman who lived in America, you see the impact of a broken dating market. For the unacquainted, black women in America are in a unique dating dilemma. Black men have never been known for their ability to provide. So, a lot of black women were never looking at them for that. However, the challenges between the sexes became worse after the War on Drugs and increases in mass incarceration.

During the Reagan and Bush administrations, we saw significant growth in the U.S. prison population, many consisting of black men. This had a profound impact on the dating dynamics within the Black community. The increased incarceration rates resulted in a reduction in the dating pool of eligible Black men, thereby limiting the options for Black women who preferred to date within their community. Conversely, Black men without felony records found themselves with a broader selection of eligible Black women to choose from.

Simply put, if you were a black man without a felony, and a job (no matter how poorly paid), you were a commodity in the black community. The number and incentives aligned for black women to have a terrible dating experience.

Look around you, are there some places where the incentives are not aligned for your advancement? These are some of the examples:

1. A country where only men can inherit property. This automatically makes you less valuable as a woman in your country.

2. When you are expected to do an unfair amount of unpaid care work and shoulder the burden of familial obligation.

3. When you become accustomed to a lifestyle that you and your provider know you cannot afford on your own.

4. When your company that is remote begins to push people to come back to the office.

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3. Information Asymmetry

Information asymmetry occurs when you reveal your entire hand in situations where discretion is advantageous. This happens when you are so frustrated with the current dating culture and you spill all your guts in your next date, in hopes that your honesty would prevent you from getting hurt again.

Unfortunately, this sets you up to be more hurt, but I digress.

This is similar to when you provide your current salary to your new employer when you should be providing the highest salary in your state.

Truth be told, this is also the problem that women with high body counts face. It is not that they have had sex in the past. It is the fact that evidence of their sexual history is on the internet. This reduces their leverage and bargaining power in the dating market. This is also why employers do not want employees having conversations about salaries because that would balance out the information asymmetry.

You should always provide information that gives you the upper hand:

1. When asked about your past dating history, all your exes have been kind to you. They have treated you well and you find it bizarre when people get treated badly by their partners.

2. When you are asked about your past salary, you conveniently earn 30,000 more than your previous salary.

This approach ensures that you navigate situations with a calculated advantage, aligning your personal and professional interactions with your best interests in mind.

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