I Was Wrong About Beauty

It can be powerful, if done right.

In the past, I have written about beauty. Today, I want to adjust what I wrote.

I am going to first start with the myths that we have about beauty:

The first myth is the Golden Ratio. The Golden Ratio (also known as Phi, or the Fibonacci number) is the mathematical symmetry algorithm that is meant to underlie our perception of attractiveness. These dimensions let you know the ideal face shape and how you deviate from it.

As you can imagine, this is terrible because it keeps women in a vicious cycle of trying to contort themselves into clones of a beauty ideal that we will never be able to meet.

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When beauty is not sold to us as a magical ratio, it is captured in products. It is gravity-defying anti-aging creams or preventative botox (lol). It is plastic surgeries that conveniently wipe away our ethnic features. It is also eating disorders masquerading as meal plans and workout routines meant to have us looking like genetically blessed Victoria's Secret models.

If the hopes of beauty can be put in the bottles to be purchased, it will be. This is the second myth of beauty: it can be purchased. Our culture would prefer a carousel of insecure women lining up to be exploited and profited off by companies hoping to sell them the beauty in a bottle.

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For the third myth about beauty, we have to look at the Abrahamic traditions and modesty. Somehow your beauty is solely reserved for your husband. If for any reason, you show your face, ankles, shoulders, hair, or skin, you are using your beauty for evil.

This myth allows men to neatly fit women into the Madonna or whore category. I mean,

Leading men astray with your devilish hair (lol): WHORE!

Wearing anything that shows your ankle: WHORE!

Doing makeup: WHORE! WHORE! WHORE!

Being a submissive, docile, wife who always performs her wifely duties while her husband chases the whore that he “hates”: Madonna!

Modesty is used on women the same way humility is used on the poor.

Men know that they are powerless in front of a beautiful woman. So, if they can make sure that women relinquish that power voluntarily, better for them. Look at all the words we used to describe beautiful women: stunning, drop-dead, bewitching, captivating: literally taking someone captive.

So, if men, religion, corporations, and ancient math are wrong about beauty, WTF is beauty and how can we use it in our feminine arsenal? 

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Beauty is a natural radiance that comes from unrelenting self-acceptance. It is an effortless bodily presence that comes from unyielding dedication to who you are.

Beauty is turning yourself from you to YOU! It is a natural bodily charisma that cannot be sold or replicated.

Can you make yourself more marketable and sexually appealing through plastic surgery and makeup? Absolutely! People would not do it if it didn’t work.

The problem with that purchasing beauty is that it costs you your soul. It reduces your value to a commodity that is determined by market conditions. It creates a beauty that makes you vulnerable to the whims of men, fashion magazines, and misogynistic religions.

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So, who can a woman be beautiful and use it to her advantage:

Beauty, at its core, is exaggerated self-expression

1. Cast away all the beauty myths that you learned about earlier. You are neither a Madonna nor a whore. You are simply a human being. You do not need to contort your face into weird dimensions. Neither do you need to exhaust your life-saving trying to fight gravity!

   1. You are already simply beautiful. Think about it, you are one of a kind and there is an entire industry trying to make you give up your uniqueness to become a clone. That effortless beauty never fades, it gets stronger with age. Such a woman becomes the fabulous upper east side woman with outfits that remind her of every occasion or the eclectic aunt that has large necklaces for every country that she has visited. Or like Madeleine Albright who used her pins to show the US diplomatic relationship with other countries.

   2. Beauty is exaggerated self-expression. Do not let this society rob you of your highest self. Also, know that your existence is not to be attractive to men.

2. Know your mission: imagine your highest self, and pursue her religiously. There is something deeply seductive about a woman on a mission. When a woman has conviction, she will walk through glass effortlessly, because she knows who she is and what she is entitled to.

   1. The men who do not like her for who she is, are at a loss. She will always win. A woman with convention knows that opportunities, men, and people all around are meant to be in service of her dreams and ambitions.

3. Have your armor ready for the battle of your life: know what outfits, hairstyles and makeup make you feel like you can conquer the world. Curate a personal style that emboldens you to go after your mission. If you are on a quest to become a human rights attorney, the latest fashion trend is not your business. But don’t forget, do not spend too much time on your armor that you forget about your battle.

4. Lastly, never betray yourself. Dress, speak, and live for yourself.

Best,
Coffy.

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If you want so more Coffy,