We Gave Young Women Sexual Liberation Without Teaching Them How To Set Boundaries. Understanding Asymmetric Opportunities.
How did we teach a generation of girls to ignore their basic survival instincts?
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As you might have heard in the news recently, a bevy of women (some as young as 19) talked about the sexual assault that they experienced with Dave Portnoy. For those of you unfamiliar with Portnoy, he is the founder of Barstool Sports. I am not going to talk about the predation that young women experience at the hands of men with power. Instead, I want to focus on the erosion of female boundaries in service of sexual liberation and how that has turned a generation of young women into easy prey for nefarious men.
The first woman in the article shared with Portnoy that she has “rape fantasies”. Her rape fantasies are not my primary concern. Instead, I am worried that a young woman felt comfortable sharing her intimate sexual desires with a stranger on the internet. Portnoy and the lady had been messaging for some time, but such deep desires should be reserved for people with whom you have developed an intimate relationship. Portnoy bought her a first-class ticket to come to visit him, and she showed up. There was no indication that she was of dire financial constraints.
She was surprised to find him nothing like his charismatic online persona. "He was very rude. He wasn't funny at all. He just reminded me of a boring, grumpy old man,"
Of course, he would sound like a grumpy old man, HE IS A GRUMPY OLD MAN!!
In earlier times, we grew up and married within the same community. That community provided the cultural guidelines for dating, mating, and child-rearing. However, our communities are long gone, and we can partner with people from all over the world. These increased options come with a heavy price. We have to individually select men based on cultural compatibility. In a time when it is more imperative than before to select an adequate mate, why have we dropped the ball on boundary setting and mate selection?
We have pushed sexual liberation on to young women at the expense of boundary setting and mate selection. I love the idea of young women exploring all the facets of their sexuality. BDSM, done right, “should” provide a space to do so. In reality, young women trying to experiment sexually are not met with these experienced, communicative, and consensual partners. They instead encounter uninformed men with a fetish for abusing women. The BDSM “daddies” that will provide young women with the necessary safety to explore the full spectrum of their sexual desires only exist in fantasy.
Dave Portnoy makes no secret of the fact that he likes to have sex with young women, and to push the boundaries of what is considered socially acceptable. In many ways, that image is at the core of the brand that has made him one of the wealthiest and most powerful figures in digital media. There are the rape jokes, his repeated use of the N-word on camera, and his harassment of female journalists.
Last July, he released a viral TikTok video that offered women three tips for how to slide into a celebrity's DMs: "Be very hot. Don't be ugly. And say this, two words: I fuck." Since 2019, he has appeared in three sex tapes that have leaked online. The stock price of Barstool's parent company plunged after the most recent leaked video, in which he violently chokes a woman using a collar and a leash. Both Portnoy and the woman said the encounter was consensual.
No one, and I mean no one, should go to a stranger's house, especially one with significantly more societal power than you do. If such a man were to ever reach out to you via social media, ignore him. Women’s greatest power lies in our ability to say “NO”. Use that power often and readily, especially with people who are not used to being told “NO”. Do not share any personal information that can be used against you especially with an individual that you do not know intimately. Your leverage lies in that ability to deny access to you. Do not surrender that leverage.
Lastly, when a man shows you who he is, believe him. You are not special. You will not change him, but he will harm you in the same way.
Asymmetric Opportunities.
What is an Asymmetric Opportunity?
An asymmetric opportunity is an opportunity where the upside is significantly larger than the downside. I first heard about this from a tweet by Naval, investor, and founder of Angelist. Mohnish Pabrai explains the concept in his book, Dhandho Investor: The Low-Risk Value Method of High Returns. In the book, asymmetric opportunities were summarized and “heads I win, tails I don’t lose much”.
These are examples of Asymmetric opportunities that you can take at different points in your life.
While in college, take a class on a subject that you are interested in, irrespective of its relation to your major/course. You could discover an area of inquiry that you enjoy, even more than what you are already studying. It could be as life-changing as calligraphy was to Steve Jobs, or it could be an easy credit.
Join a club or sorority, and make friends with productive people. These people could be your future investors or co-founders.
Mastering the art of self-promotion. Learn creative ways to differentiate yourself from your peers and apply that in all aspects of life.
Attend career fairs, conferences, and talks on your college campus.
Learn to code or contribute to the tech ecosystem (whether by design, project management, data science, etc). You need to know how to speak the language of computers. You can also learn how to use no-code tools to start.
Move to a new city, even a whole new country. While in college, take the study abroad opportunities. While working your job, take the opportunities to work in your company’s other offices.
Write a book, start a podcast or a YouTube channel, sell a digital product on the internet. Always be selling something on the internet.
Make higher-risk investments with the potential for higher returns, especially while you are young.
Start or join a startup, especially early in your career. If it is a rocket ship, you are an early employee and will be richly rewarded when the startup goes public or gets acquired. If it fails, you learned valuable skills and can use them in your future jobs.
Enter an emerging industry. Sometimes, just being in the right industry is good enough. A rising tide lifts all boats. So, it might now matter what boat you are on, as long as it is in the right ocean.
Investigate high-impact problems at work. You might discover that some problems that people consider difficult are not.
Create a website and catalog of your work.