Repeat after me: A Man Is Not A Plan X2
Hope, patience, good will and kindness are not contingency plans.
If I were an American woman, I would have a gun.
I would be strapped. Always!
You fuck around, and you will find out. The idea of owning a gun for self-defense in a country where there are more guns than people makes intuitive sense. Yet, I don’t think any of my American female friends own one.
Whether it is the girls on Tiktok getting punched while walking in NYC, or the numerous videos of crazy people men on the train. It seems as though women have chosen to relegate their safety to the hands of hope Yes, I know. Women shouldn’t have to navigate the world this way. However, we are here to talk about solutions, not make-believe.
The female psyche is plagued by the ability to resign real and tangible things for dreams and illusions. Women will give up real jobs and actual career opportunities so that their husbands can chase their “dreams”. Women will not get real training in self-defense and learning how to use a gun. Instead, they hope that someone will step up and help save them or that the underfunded police department will show up just in time. Women will not just leave an undesirable relationship. Instead, they will hope that he does better or that things get better. I have met too many women willing to slaughter themselves and the women in their proximity for a modicum of a relationship.
Not to deflect responsibility, but society has taught women to hope and wait. You wait for him to make the first move. You wait your turn. You wait for him to propose. You wait for 9 months while you incubate new life inside you. The female life is full of moments of waiting. Or is it?
The women who charm the world never wait! These women orchestrate grand romances with such dexterity that their significant others think they made the first move. These women disarm their business partners and negotiate better terms without resorting to aggression or ultimatums. These women apply cunning ingenuity in all their challenges and navigate the world with a deep sense of knowing: I will always win. These are the women who create products and redefine industries, even though people thought that they were not very bright. These women are Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Martha Stewart, and a plethora of women throughout history.
Even these so-called tradwives are some of the greatest businesswomen in existence: imagine being able to monetize your children while outsourcing the childcare to paid labor, working from home, and having your initial startup costs funded by your husband. This is a girlboss the like of which we have never seen before. None of these women are waiting for life, they are going into the world and getting what they want.
I remember a female exec who I met one day over lunch. She once told me how when she wanted to have a husband, she never had lunch at her desk. She had a lunch date until she found her fiance. These women ruthlessly prioritize their well-being and answer the call to the adventure of their lives. They make contingency plans for when things do not work as planned and never make hope their strategy. These women depend on their resourcefulness, ingenuity, grit, hard work, and charm.
Hope is not a strategy. That is why depending on a man is such a terrible thing. It is built on the hope that he does not wake up one day and abandon you. Act as though you cannot fail, but plan as though failure would not destroy you. Do not spend your whole life hoping and waiting that you miss the rest of it.
Best,
Coffy.
In case you want some more Coffy,