Poverty is a very terrible thing.
I hate poor people, this is why you should too.
The other day, I was thinking about poverty. Not just financial, but social, spiritual, romantic, familial, and mental. It occurred to me that the "Pick Me" woman is in romantic and social bankruptcy. This is a woman who has never been chosen. She was not picked at home: her father was absent, even if he was in the house, and her mother either hated her solely or significantly more than her other siblings. She had no friends in school. Romantic dates and meet-cutes existed only in her dreams. Everyone around her found multiple ways to reject her. Then comes a man who gives her a modicum of attention, a whiff of a relationship, and she is willing to burn down the village that abandoned her. Of course, the "Pick Me" mother would choose a man over her daughter: her mother did the exact same thing to her. This is neither an analysis of the "Pick Me" nor a justification for her actions. It is to highlight what romantic and social bankruptcy looks like. The "Pick Me" woman is romantically poor and willing to do anything to escape her destitution.
Poverty is a terrible thing. It strips you of all your dignity and self-respect. It puts you at the mercy of those around you. For women who became sex workers, poverty fucked them over before any man did. Poverty was their first pimp. It is a bizarre mutant that comes up with new ways to haunt our lives. When you are failing in school, you are academically poor. The intellectually wealthy people at the top of your class get the praise and admiration of your teachers, peers, and parents, while the underperformers become some kind of untouchable class. Everyone can clearly see the underperformer’s poverty from a mile away and know to stay clear. They are going to be the future indentured underclass, and you do not want to be a part of it. When you are spiritually and mentally poor, you reek of gullibility. You become the sheep that runs towards the wolves. Nefarious people will lead you to your demise because you have no moral compass. No one will trust you with anything because you cannot manage the singular life that you are solely responsible for. You are a walking liability, and no one wants to be around to witness your inevitable failure.
Reject poverty in all aspects of your life. Have a visceral disgust response to the clever ways that poverty shows up in your life. Do you begin to nickel and dime at every point (financial poverty, including those of you who refuse to subscribe)? Do you chase after people who are running away from you (social poverty)? Do you stay too long in relationships because you do not think that you can do better (romantic poverty)? Do you consistently find yourself making terrible choices due to ignorance (mental poverty)? Did life quickly conquer you because you surrendered before the battle began (spiritual poverty)? Do you find negative familial patterns repeating themselves in your own life (ancestral poverty)?
Breaking cycles of poverty requires radical faith and action. There is something so profound about the human mind. It finds new and interesting ways to come up with solutions for problems that we never thought it could solve by merely attempting to. Most of the poverty-induced ideas that we hold in our minds are a result of terrible past experiences. I would like you to know that the past is fake and that you have the power to engineer the future that you want. Unfortunately, if you are poor, you will be left to starve. The man does not treat the "Pick Me" better because she is willing to do everything for him. In fact, her romantic poverty and desperation are the opportunity for the man to test how much humiliation and depravity he is willing to put her through.
Even if you are poor, NEVER LOOK POOR. Always dress your best. Going on a date after having no romantic prospects? He should think that you could easily walk out of here and five men are waiting for you. Are you struggling in school? If so, you should be at the teacher’s office hours doing whatever it takes to not end up at the bottom of your class. You should never even be near some family members, lest the stench of familial poverty rub off on you. REJECT POVERTY in every way, shape, and form.
Best,
Coffy.
The Necessary Absurdity of A Dream Life
Our literal dreams are ridiculous! I vividly remember a dream where I was flying a plane in the shape of a turtle in Bikini Bottom with my best friend. It's a universally acknowledged truth: in the depths of slumber, our minds wander through uncharted and unfamiliar terrain. Sometimes, yes those dreams have the plot of a porno and the writing of a Tyler Perry movie, but they are not meant to fit neatly into our present reality. Yet, when it comes to our "dream lives," we tend to rein in our imaginations, opting for the measured and practical. Even as a staunchly delusional person, I still find myself tempering my expectations when crafting my “dream life” There is a terrible irony that if we were given three magic wishes, many of us would give banal, and unoriginal answers. It seems as though even if a situation without the limitation placed on us, we do not have the courage to demand our dream life.
You are enough for your dreams
This week, I have had a ministration (I hate that I have to use this word, it is the West African in me). It was that we were enough for their dreams. One of the most perverse things about the self-improvement culture is the idea that you must be qualified for your dreams. You must continually mold yourself to become the hero deserving of the adventure that is your life. This is a lie, and a particularly insidious one for women, who are constantly bombarded with messages about needing to change, fix, or upgrade themselves. The irrefutable truth is that you, the hero, are sufficient when they are presented with their journey.
Even though I grew up in poverty in every way you mentioned, and sometimes I still struggle with my bills, I don't feel poor, if that makes sense? I choose to love myself, pour into myself, and give myself grace even on really hard days. Right now, I would say I feel "rich."
I was reading through the Rich subreddit and was surprised at how some materially rich people were saying that many of them had anxiety over how much money they made, constantly comparing themselves to others, calling themselves middle-class despite being worth millions, and generally miserable. It was crazy to me that people like that still thought of themselves as not rich. Of course, it is not wrong to want more. The purpose of the Universe is to always expand. But I think it drives the point, Wealth comes from within.
There have also been stories of rich people who gained wealth, lost it all, but instead of panicking they simply shrugged, smiled, then became wealthy again. How could they have the drive to do that if they didn't feel wealthy from within? I think it is so important to see material things (beauty, appearances, status, money, items, etc) as tools instead of means of self-identity. My grandmother always told me "never get attached to stuff." It is one of the most valuable pieces of advice I'd ever gotten. Also if you are not impressed by material things. They cannot be used to manipulate you.
One important thing I want to add to this post is ACCEPT WHATEVER HELP you can. I was talking to my multi-millionaire friend on the phone and he said this "you have to apply for whatever government benefits you can and USE THEM because whatever doesn’t get used in the yearly fund is added to the government rep's paycheck as a bonus." Stop thinking yourself as a leech on society like people in poverty have been brainwashed to see themselves as! Literally NO rich person became wealthy without the help, support, or work of others. Not a single one. Use whatever you can to get to where you need to be and NEVER feel guilty about it.