How To Be A Bitch

Better for people to hate you that to walk all over you

If you are fortunate enough not to be born African, you may never know the peculiar, maddening dance of working with an African tailor. Unlike the precise craftsmanship of an Italian suitmaker or the meticulous art of a Japanese kimono artisan, the African tailor has more in common with our greedy and ineffective politicians than they do with artisans. Every family eventually acquires a tailor the way they acquire a hairdresser, a mechanic, or a priest—out of necessity rather than choice. They are an extension of your life, an inconvenient reality you must endure, like traffic or taxes. And like these things, they will disappoint you. You show them a reference picture, and with the confidence of a conman, they assure you they can replicate it. Weeks later, you are presented with a monstrosity so profoundly wrong that even Temu would be too ashamed to ship it. This is how I found myself, once again, at the mercy of my family's tailor—let's call him Abe.

Abe has a gift. A spiritual calling. A near-religious devotion to disappointing his customers. He would take your measurements and return with one dress too large to wear, and another that cannot pass your ankles. So, working with him was another example of a useless West African man. Yet, here I was again. As he took my measurements, he knew that he had to deliver on the outfits or I would unleash the insults. In fact, I was getting my insults together before he arrived at my house to show what atrocities he had turned my expensive fabrics into. To my surprise, he disappointed me but not as much as before. As I walked across the house to show him what was wrong with each of the outfits, I did not hesitate to provide in deep detail all that was wrong with every dress, and he took notes. Hopefully, he actually makes those changes. If he doesn’t, at least I still have my insults. But this experience reminded me of something that I have always known but had not yet articulated: the importance of being a bitch.

Bitch is simply an insult levied against women who require that their expectations be met. They need things done a specific way and often have navy seal-like determination towards making that happen. They are never discouraged or deterred about how long something would take, it would be redone the necessary amount of time to make it successful. Being labeled "difficult" or a "bitch" is often the tax women pay for demanding basic competence from the mediocre masses. Abe knew that he would not get away with sewing nonsense and the marginal improvement in his work highlights something that we have always known: people perform better when they know they can't get away with mediocrity. This example with Abe extends to all aspects of life. When you are a woman who feels entitled to a great life, prepare to be branded as unreasonable, unrealistic, inconsiderate and most of all a bitch by the mediocre masses. Prepare to be gaslit into thinking the expectations that you have as unreasonable, and to be subtly nugged to lower them.

I know that most corporate desk jobs are fake and gay, but a woman who expects her colleagues to come prepared to meetings, who asks pointed questions about project timelines, who refuses to accept sloppy work from her team - she'll quickly find herself branded as 'aggressive' or 'difficult to work with.' The same behavior from a male colleague would likely be praised as 'having high standards' or 'being detail-oriented.'

The place where women are always called Bitches is the romantic realm. To expect basic kindness, consideration, and effort from your male romantic partner is akin to committing a crime against humanity. The masses of mediocre men would tell you to lessen your expectations, and depending on your circumstances if you want a man, you might have to. The dating pool is an ecological disaster that should be investigated by the same watchdogs tracking government corruption. Forget $16 million spent on funding Malawian transgender orgies—where are the so-called patriarchs gone?

These are some of the things that I have had to learn in this journey to become more disagreeable and an even greater bitch:

• Sometimes you're better than others, and sometimes people are leagues ahead of you. Accept both. Only mediocre people need to pretend everyone's equal.

• When you want something, say it with your chest. Being 'reasonable' is how you end up doing everyone else's work while they take credit. If you're going to be unreasonable anyway (and trust me, they'll call you unreasonable no matter what), you might as well get what you want.

• Your divine creator gave you a mouth for a reason, and it wasn't to say "sorry" for things you mean. Take full accountability for your thoughts, words, and actions - including the ones that make mediocre people uncomfortable.

• Peace is overrated. Choose conflict. Choose problems. Choose disapproval. The people telling you to avoid conflict are usually the ones benefiting from your silence. A disagreeable bitch who stands her ground gets more respect than an agreeable doormat who keeps the peace.

• Find your ideal self and commit to her fully. How would she handle mediocrity? What boundaries would she set? What nonsense would she refuse to tolerate? Be her.

• Build leverage like your life depends on it - because it does. Skills, money, and influence - these are the tools that let you demand better without flinching. When you can walk away, you can demand what you deserve.

Remember: no one is coming to save you from mediocrity. No one is coming to fight your battles or demand better treatment on your behalf. You're the bitch you've been waiting for.

Best,

Coffy.