Control: Reclaiming Your Narrative
If you do not tell your story, somebody else is writing your history - Uma Abedin
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I just spent the last three hours watching the Janet Jackson documentary on Lifetime. It is a 4 part series produced over 3 years that gives us archival footage and unprecedented access to a very private pop icon. We get footage from her childhood, teenage years, previous marriages and relationships, and #Nipplegate. Celebrities such as Janelle Monae, Samual L. Jackon, Missy Elliot, Mariah Carey, and Jermaine Dupri also make appearances. The documentary closes out on Janet telling us that she wants to focus on motherhood and raising her son. This documentary was Janet’s way of setting the record straight and telling her story on her terms. It reminded me of two other women: Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin.
Hillary Clinton needs no introduction. However, for the uninitiated, she is the former Secretary of State in the Obama administration (2009-2013), former New York State Senator (2001-2009), and former first lady to Bill Clinton(1993-2001). Hillary was also the Democratic candidate for the office of President of The United States in the 2016 elections. Hillary has a documentary on Hulu, titled Hillary. In the documentary, she also tells her side of the story. The documentary reminded us that Hillary was part of the first generation of women to occupy positions outside the domestic sphere. She could not have been this calculated and power-hungry person when she was part of the first batch of female lawyers to graduate college. The documentary details Hillary’s life, motivations, challenges, and run for the presidential office. Hillary speaks openly and candidly. The documentary also features her former classmates, friends, co-worker, Former President Obama, and her husband, Bill Clinton.
Huma Abedin is an American political staffer who was vice-chair of Hillary Clinton's 2016 campaign for President of the United States. Prior to that, Abedin was deputy chief of staff to Clinton when she was U.S. Secretary of State from 2009 to 2013. She started working with Hillary in The White House internship after college. In 2010, at Abedin's wedding to Weiner, Clinton said: "I have one daughter. But if I had a second daughter, it would [be] Huma." During a trip that Clinton and Abedin made to Saudi Arabia, Abedin's mother, Saleha Mahmood Abedin, said to Clinton: "Hillary, you have spent more time with my daughter than I have in the past 15 years. I'm jealous of you!" She is also the former wife of disgraced New York representative, Anthony Weiner. On October 28, 2016, the FBI announced that while investigating allegedly illicit text messages from Anthony Weiner to a 15-year-old girl in North Carolina, they discovered emails related to Clinton's private server on a laptop computer belonging to Abedin's husband. This investigation happened during her presidential election. Huma recently released a book talking about her experiences titled Both/And: My Life in Many Worlds. Uma’s motivation for writing this book, in her words “If you do not tell your story, somebody else is writing your history”
These women all needed to reclaim their narrative after being attacked by the media. They all were collateral damage for the poor choices of the men in their lives. Hillary was perceived as power-hungry and cowardly for not leaving Bill Clinton after numerous cheating scandals. Huma publically defended Anthony Weiner after numerous sexually inappropriate text messages were discovered. Janet also received backlash for the actions of both Micheal Jackson and Justin Timberlake.
Hillary’s poor media management was put on display when she had to run against a media darling. Donald Trump had an uncanny ability to provoke an intentional media response. Although he had numerous sexual allegations, Trump was a mastermind in getting the media to do his bidding. Hillary was concerned with policy and practicality. This had me thinking, who are some women that were able to use their scandals to advance their socio-economic and political agendas? Huma is 46, Janet is 55, and Hillary is 74. I do not want a generation of women to have to wait till they are middle age to reclaim their story.
Here are some things that we can learn from these women’s lives, in their attempts to redeem their reputations:
Do Not Apologize
Janet apologized for #NippleGate
Hillary apologized for #EmailGate
Huma stood by as Anthony Weiner apologized for #WeinerGate.
None of these women did anything warranting an apology.
Resist the urge to apologize when you are innocent. Apologizing gives the other party an excuse to keep on attacking you.
Do not Defend Any Man, Irrespective of Your Relationship. They Will Always Embarrass You.
Enough women in history have been burned due to their proximity to men ready to destroy their life. Do not become one of those women. We live in a society where women are held accountable for the poor choices of the men around them, especially the men they are married to. Marriage is seen as an approval of character. You become guilty by proxy when that character is in question.
Do not defend any man. Let him defend himself.
Make Last Hour Allies
When Janet had been blackballed by the media due to #NippleGate, Tyler Perry cast her in a movie, Why did I Get Married Too? When Huma faced her scandals with Anthony Weiner, Hillary supported her. Even when Huma’s email scandal cost Hillary the election, Hillary did not fire her. It is imperative to have people that you can count on when the cards are down.
Social Mores Will Change But Your Work Will Always Speak For Itself
Social expectations are constantly changing. It is so unreal to imagine the uproar that Janet’s nip slip caused when has far more provocative women on the internet. If you are a woman carving a unique path for yourself, expect backlash. However, do not be deterred.
Create your work and let it speak for itself. Just like Janet, Hillary’s contributions to the advancements of women's and girls’ rights will eventually be rewarded.
Question: Who are some woman that have succesfully recailmed their narrative?
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Now that the 2024 American election has been settled, I think Kamala had the same problem as Hillary and Huma.